Speak from your feelings instead of making demands
Alright, here comes another winner. The adoption or ignorance of this one small (but necessary) shift in communication can make or break a relationship.
What’s one societal trope that men in mainstream media always complain about? They complain about their partner being a nag. A nag, in this instance, is simply someone who is demanding, and/or asks a lot of their partner… often with a harsh tone to go along with their requests.
But here’s the kicker… it isn’t about the fact that women are somehow supposed to be needless and not ask for anything (not in the slightest)… it’s the WAY that they ask that can erode the quality of the relationship. Here’s why.
An intimate relationship needs some sense of polarity in order to function well. In other words, in every moment, it’s ideal that one partner is embodying the masculine charge, and the other partner is embodying the feminine. Again/as always, this has nothing to do with gender or orientation – at all.
So when a woman demands that her boyfriend/husband take out the trash, it isn’t necessarily the fact that she’s asking for something to be done that is the issue, it’s that in the way that she is asking for it to be done, she is killing the polarity between them. That’s the real issue.
Here are some examples of what most people do, and what is a more beneficial way of going about those same situation.
– Saying “Give me your coat” is a demand. Saying “Brrr… I’m cold” isn’t. The latter gives the man the opportunity to respond to your statement by doing something about it that he gets to make the decision on.
– Asking, “I’m starving… why don’t you ever make dinner for us anymore?” will kill polarity (being criticized, even subtly, doesn’t feel sexy for anyone). Saying, “Mmmm… I’m starting to get hungry” is an invitation that he can respond to while maintaining the charge of polarity.
– Saying, “When was the last time you planned a date night for us? It feels like it’s been forever…” will kill polarity. Saying, “I’d love to do something fun with you soon!”, is an invitation for him to fill in the gaps of creating a fun activity for the two of you.
The common through line in these examples is that the person asking is speaking from their feelings (cold, hungry, desire for fun), as opposed to making direct demands.
To most men, the former sounds like a drill sergeant, and the latter sounds like a feminine goddess that they can help/nourish/serve. Even if it’s just placating to our egos, who cares? Let us save the day every now and then. Love is ultimately about service, and we’re happy to be given opportunities to serve you with our gifts.
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